BEYONCE, Part 2: I was not prepared

All time following this point is now recorded in tracks, not numerals. I am in a parallel universe of BEYONCE TIME. And blurry cameraphone photos. 

INTRO The. Crowd. Goes. WILD. A HUGE LED screen is dropped into the stage and Queen B is in charge of the proceedings. The dancers come on in giant hoop skirts, like a royal procession. I'm screaming like a child who's discovered candy for the first time.

FLAWLESS/BOW DOWN Beyonce roars through the opening song and I have never in my life felt more energized and ready to jump around as this.

I also want to murder everyone who has their phones and cameras up. Next to me is a girl who insists on recording the whole show. Gurl. Buy the tour DVD FFS.

Some people have also been carried out because they've passed out. Damn.

BABY BOY Dutty whine, dutty whine, about 20 shadows of Beyonce and her dancers are projected behind them on the LED screen as they reggaeton through this set. This must what being on drugs must feel like.

Quick changeover to BLOW/CHERRY The LED has gone into strips of color. I'm picking up a strong 70s Disco/Diana Ross/Donna Summers vibe. Werk.

B does a little crowd singalong to Cherry and we all forget how dirty the lyrics are, even though we're shouting them at the top of our lungs

NAUGHTY GIRL It's all a blur but I'm sure this one was suitably nasty, like Janet

Looking flawless even in horrible red Darth Vader light.

AUDIENCE SITUATION. A mini-commotion has started between a girl and another crew of randoms, meaning a gap has opened. I'm swift as a coursing river and take full advantage. Hence me and my crew are now in THE SECOND ROW. I was not prepared for this. NOT PREPARED.

YONCE/PARTITION Mind is being blown into smithereens as she does the full Crazy Horse routine from the video. What. Has. Just. Happened. Slight concern also at the chair bit, as flatmate and I thought she might over-rotate and fall off.

But she is Queen B and lives in a halo of beauty so it shall not happen because Queen B says so. Us plebs can only marvel.

Side note as well that the band, dancers, stage crew, and backing singers are truly flawless. All look like they're having a blast.

HAUNTED/GHOST Things calm down as we go into a more laid back and conceptual section of the show. 

The dancing in this section is especially great and I'm pretty sure it's Dana Foglia's amazing work.

Beyonce is dressed in a beautiful blue gown and warbling like her life depends on it. 

Moment of reckoning. DRUNK IN LOVE is on. WILL JAY Z MAKE AN APPEARANCE? Beyonce is in a nude bodysuit, does not wearing the polka dot blue suit mean he won't be there?

'I BEEN DRANKIN, I BEEN DRANKIN' and everybody hollers along to SURFBOARD. Or as my sister corrected me afterwards, SERFBOARDT. Euphoria.

Just as we lose the glimmer of hope for Hovah's appearance, LO AND BEHOLD HE IS THERE. 

The crowd goes BONKERS. I almost wee myself.

Beyonce finishes Drunk in Love with Jay Z. They flirt and smile at each other onstage. Tru luv. I can't cope.

We chill out a bit as B sizzles her way through 1+1. She trills and climbs those notes like a hummingbird. Her pianist is also amazing. I am appropriately moved at the spectacle.

You have to respect how much work she's put into getting that body back after her baby (not that it would matter if she didn't though). Amazonian.

B switches to acoustic and has a bit of fun with IRREPLACEABLE. Shouting 'to the left to the left' has never felt so simultaneously angry and therapeutic.

 Somewhere in this milieu is a cool Tetris-y video montage to COUNTDOWN. Dat makeup. Flawless.

And we're now doing LOVE ON TOP. It's all feel-good vibes, 90s grooves, bopping with joy. Until she gets to the key changes and I wonder what combo of coconut water and virgin's blood she uses to make those key changes so seamless and powerful. Wao.

Also mental note that Les Twins are absolutely KILLIN' it! They seem to have a genuine rapport with Beyonce, which is pretty cool.

Beyonce disappears and re-emerges in a short dress with excellent gold piping detail. She hops, drops, and body-rolls through a mashup of CRAZY IN LOVE and SINGLE LADIES. Slight frustration at the crap crowd who don't dance to the songs and instead stand there like placid lemons. Booooo London.

I sense we're near the end. Actually no, it's because I read the setlist someone put online beforehand.

Beyonce appears in an outfit that on anyone else would look like a harlequin on crack, but we excuse it because it's on her and she is a world superstar.

She starts an emotional version of HEAVEN. The crowd is mesmerized. If this is what hypnosis by B is like, I volunteer as tribute.

The onion-cutting ninjas are also strong in the crowd, as she hits the final refrain of 'Heaven couldn't wait for you... so go on, go home' (presumably referring to her miscarriage), there are tears. I wonder for a fleeting moment if wearing non-waterproof mascara is a good idea. Then I remember I'm at a Beyonce concert and this is really raw and sad and I don't give two fucks about my face.

Tears at the end of Heaven. Sister is also emotional. For all the hype and production Beyonce puts on, plonk her down with a pianist or guitarist and the voice speaks for itself.

We begin the climb out of the emotional crevasse with a lovely rendition of XO. I didn't understand the appeal of the song until she sang it live. Now I totally do.

And we round off with a goodbye of HALO. I feel blessed by the Bey that be. I am all emotional. I was not prepared. My mind is a lake with the recurrent reflection of semi-formed words... 'what just happened?'

Not the world's most flattering photo, but I wanted to show the cray-Harlequin-ness.

There is no encore. Sads. But Beyonce says goodnight and thank you to us all. It has been momentous.

The time is now 22:00 or thereabouts. We ponder whether to stay and catch a glimpse of the dancers. We decide not, as real life beckons and there are dinners to be eaten, trains to be caught, and beds to be slept in.

22:10 We run into [the wonderful] dancer Meg Lawson, who's here to say hi to her Canadian breathren, showstoppingly hot Kim Gingras. I ask Meg to pass on my thumbs up on the show and sorry-I-can't-stay-but-public-transport-is-a-mare-have-to-get-back-ahhhh

22:45 Home with minimal fuss. Feet ache. Ears ring. Food reheated.

For the next week

I listen to Beyonce songs on repeat and lose myself in a black hole of her old documentaries and Video-making-ofs and old favourites.

It was all worth it. I am one lucky gyal.

I went to Beyonce, Part 1: Trials and Tribulations

5 hours or so later

Let's go back to the beginning.